It’s All My Fault

Dear Depression,

This past week, you have not let me out of your sight.  You have been stuck to me like glue.  Everywhere I turn, there you are.  Why?  Haven’t we spent enough time together?  Haven’t I given you a great big chunk of my life?  What more do you want from me?  The doctor thinks our relationship is unhealthy.  I have to agree, but all she wants to do is keep switching up my meds.  I’ve tried to tolerate you on my own without any help but, it seems like I am getting weaker by the day.  The more you hang around the less I fight.  It’s just not in me anymore to keep trying.  Should I just accept that you aren’t going anywhere, anytime soon?  You have literally sucked the life out of me, my will to live, my desire for happiness, my motivation to do for others let alone myself.  What am I now but an empty shell?  Of what use am I here on this earth?  Depression, you really have a way of making me feel like a complete nobody.  I never asked you to come into my life just to screw it all up.  I didn’t seek you out.  I didn’t invite you in.  How could you just make yourself at home where you are not wanted?  There has to be a way to get rid of you for good without getting rid of me for good.  But what?  What is it?  Can I find it before it’s too late?  Medication has done nothing for me thus far.  Cutting and self harming has only left scars as constant reminders of what I have allowed you to do to me.  I’m not blaming you 100% Depression.  I accept responsibility for my actions or lack there of.  I know I have given up so much control and you just ran with it.  Hell, I don’t blame you.  I don’t blame you at all for that.  It’s all my fault.  I’m the one to blame.



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2 Comments

  1. panikikubik

    Hello, No it’s not your fault and you’re going to be fine again. Just accept the depression as an unwelcome companion. Cry and keep on fighting against it. I had a depression last year and it ruined one realtionship and one great realtionship to be, I lost my worht and didn*t sleep, I had panic and it was awful. My doctor gave me medicin who made me feel worse.
    I quit the medicin and decided to choose to get back to my life and choose to forgive myself for being so weak. And I forced myself out again. Now the depression is 99 % gone. I’m still fragile, but I’m proud over myself and I pray that you’ll feel the same soon.
    I keep my thumbs for you.

    All the best!

    Liked by 1 person

    • So sweet of you. Thank you for your words of encouragement and for even taking the time to write them to me. I really appreciate you. I have been battling depression, insomnia and anxiety for years. I’ve been real good at hiding it, but lately it just seems like it’s getting harder to hide. I am so happy for you and wish you continued success. I hope to be there one day as well.
      (Fingers crossed). Thanks again. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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