Always On My Mind

Dear Depression,

Lately you’ve been pretty heavy on my mind.  I can’t stop thinking about you no matter what I do.  I’ve been trying to keep myself busy with remodeling the house and preparing for a full blown spring cleaning project. I thought if I get rid of all the crap we don’t want in the house, maybe it would help me get rid of the unwanted crap in my mind.  So far it’s not working.  There is such an emptiness within that I can’t seem to fill.  I’ve just been feeling blah!  I have been doing a pretty good job of hiding it (as usual) from the family, but it gets so very lonely sometimes.  I’d like to let them in but I am afraid of what it will do to them.  I’m okay with them thinking everything is fine.  I’m okay with them not knowing how damaged I really am.  At least that’s what I tell myself.  Why is it so hard for me to just let you go Depression?  What am I so afraid of?  That I might actually be happy?  Oh no!!  We wouldn’t want that, and by we, I mean you.  I gotta go Depression.  I’m sure you’ll be right here when I wake up.  If I even fall asleep.  I hope this NyQuil will knock me out for a couple of hours.  If not, I know where to find you.

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