Thank You For Noticing
Okay, so this has been bugging me all night. I need your thoughts and opinions on this matter. I get a call from the hubby about noon and he says he wants us ready by the time he gets home from work (which is around three) and I ask him why?, of course. He tells me that there will be a little get together at a pizza place to celebrate a birthday for his niece. Great. Now I have to pump myself up and tell myself that I can do this. It’s only a couple of hours, I got this and no, anxiety, you’re not invited. So I get the little one ready and when I am done, I get myself ready. It’s a few minutes to three now and the little one yells out that he’s here. I do a last minute check and I think, hmm, I guess I look okay. I mean, I’m no super model or nothing like that but whatever. I lock up and head out to the car. As I get in, I didn’t even get a chance to greet him because the first thing out of his mouth was, “Did you just wake up”? WHAT?!?! I said, “No! We’ve been getting ready since I last spoke to you. Why do you ask”? He then says, “Oh, because you just look really tired”. WOW!!!! Okay, I’ll admit, my insomnia is a bitch and there really are some days where I look like total shit. Eyes bugged out, bloodshot red with more bags than Paris Hilton on an over night stay, but I honestly didn’t think I looked that bad when I left the house. The only thing I could say was, “Thanks a lot”. Then he says, “Well, I didn’t mean it like that”. Seriously?!! How else did you mean it then? Like, in what other way could you have possibly meant what you just said? I didn’t even want to go after that, but I just sat there quietly the whole ride. When we got there, I greeted everyone and found a small table in the corner as usual and made my way to it. I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable. I mean, if that’s the way he seen me, I could only imagine how the others would see me and what they would be thinking. *head down in shame* After I ate, I went and watched the kids play for a bit but not for long because it was really crowded and as usual, panic started to kick in and brought anxiety with him. I went back to my little corner and sat there patiently while inside I was screaming to go home. On the way back home, it was another quiet ride and he went to bed as I sit here still wide awake. I just can’t get it out of my head. Did I over react? Am I wrong to be upset. How would you have taken it? Would you have been offended? Damn, not only was I considering taking a vow of silence (from my previous post, “Strange Voices”) now I have to consider wearing a paper bag over my head whenever I go out in public. See, that’s why I just stay isolated in my room. I shouldn’t be out in public, I don’t belong out there. Thanks insomnia! Thanks anxiety! Thanks depression and everything else that’s wrong with me! Just, thanks!!
Blue Insomniak's Blog 
It definitely is not your fault. Don’t do that self blame thing. Just try to forget that episode. May be, it was just a slip of tongue and he didn’t really mean it that way. Choose to ignore a few things that hurt you.
How much i wish your insomnia to disappear just like that. Take care.
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Thank you, I appreciate that. I have been playing it over and over and maybe I did overreact, maybe I didn’t. I just have to let it go. You are right about ignoring certain things and this will be one of them. Also, thank you for the well wishes regarding my insomnia. That is very sweet of you. Thanks again.
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As a spouse, I have to remember to weigh my words and actions. Things that are said carelessly can be a trigger, so your husband needs to be aware of that. It would be better in the long run if you communicate this to him so that way he considers his words more in the future.
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Very true, and we have had several conversations regarding words, actions and triggers. I don’t know how else or what more to say to the situation. I know it has to suck being married to someone who is dealing with depression among other things. It’s kind of like walking on egg shells and that’s why I let a lot of things go by, but sometimes there are just some things that stick and it makes it harder to get over, but you are absolutely right. Thank you.
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well, I tend to agree, that was harsh. but then you also have to know men do not have filters, they don’t ever really consider what comes out of their mouths before it comes out. and in my experience, most are pretty damn thoughtless. he should already know about your insomnia and depression, so instead of sitting there quietly stewing, tell him to kiss your ass. lol. just kidding, don’t want you to get into a fight with him. my mom always said, pick your battles. I still think you should try meditation or yoga, to help with both problems though, even if you have before, keep at it, try once a day for a week or two straight, and just see if they don’t help. goodluck sweetie, and like I said before, if worse comes to worse, smoke a joint! it’s totally medicinal!!! it will make you feel better depression and anxiety wise!! 🙂
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Regardless of the fact, what was said was not right. What would it have mattered if you did just get up? Acceptance and love. I wake up in the morning, my hair looking like the pillows made love to my scalp, and my hero swears I’m just as beautiful.
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Right?? That’s what I’m talking about. Even if I have chocolate cake all over my teeth, tell me I’m beautiful first and then hit me with the truth, as least it won’t hurt as bad. Haha. We need more heros like yours. 😊
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😳 pretty silly that I almost lost him! Anxiety had ahold of me when we were first together. Now I’ve learned steps to slightly calm my anxiety long enough to tell someone something is wrong!
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You two were destined to be together and it’s amazing how far you’ve come. I’m still trying to teach my hubby a few things about depression and anxiety. He’s a take your time, wanna get it right kinda guy, so, I resepect that.
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Best thing is to tell him that you want to learn it together! My boyfriend has willingly learned with me what to do when I start to go into panic mode. We took an anxiety attack from a usual 30+ minutes to five, just by being silly.
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Absolutely. The first few panic attacks, he was a mess. I thought he was going to pass out. Haha. But, with each new panic attack, he’s getting better and better with dealing with them as well as helping me get through them.
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I would have been upset too! But I don’t think he was trying to hurt your feelings, it was probably just thoughtless. But I do think it’s fairly important to let your person know when and how they hurt your feelings, so you don’t hold everything inside until you burst and start screaming at them for not noticing your new haircut or some stupid thing… at least for me…. Talking about it gets the sadnesses out and sort of reminds them to be careful, without you having to be mean about it. *shrugs* I’ve only been with the Josh for 3 years though, so there’s still a lot I don’t know about relationships.
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I hear ya. I’m sure it was just his mouth running before his thoughts could tell him what to say. I’m usually not a very sensitive type person, but like I had said, I honestly didn’t think I looked that bad and to hear that as the first thing out of your mouth before a, “hello” just kind of sent me over the edge. You’re right. I do have to communicate more with the hubby so we could avoid future silent treatments, or have fewer ones. Haha. Thank you. 😄
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Haha. Love it!!! You have no idea how many times I would have liked to tell him to pucker up. I do agree with choosing your battles, sometimes, I do choose the wrong ones, but I don’t think you can really choose a right one. A battle is a battle regardless and he does know me and should know better. I will definitely give it another go as it can’t hurt to keep trying meditation or yoga. Also, I have been known to smoke an ocassional joint, however, it just makes me feel lazy, not sleepy or relaxed. But, I’m sure it won’t hurt to keep trying that as well. 😉
Thank you for making me smile.
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His insensitivity was like, wow, and it didn’t sound like he made much of an effort to back peddle that situation in order to reduce the tension that blew up inside you. Maybe I’m reacting this way because I’m single and push away anyone who thinks being sarcastic with me or talking to me like I’m a dude is the norm
Hope the communication lines between the two you is back to baseline.
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You’re right, he knew he put his foot in his mouth but didn’t do much to make it better. I have a pretty sarcastic sense of humor myself, but I know when not to cross a line. We are speaking again. I had to let him know that it really bothered me. He apologized and promised it would never happen again. I forgave. We’ll see. 😄. Thank you
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