Thank You For Noticing
Okay, so this has been bugging me all night. I need your thoughts and opinions on this matter. I get a call from the hubby about noon and he says he wants us ready by the time he gets home from work (which is around three) and I ask him why?, of course. He tells me that there will be a little get together at a pizza place to celebrate a birthday for his niece. Great. Now I have to pump myself up and tell myself that I can do this. It’s only a couple of hours, I got this and no, anxiety, you’re not invited. So I get the little one ready and when I am done, I get myself ready. It’s a few minutes to three now and the little one yells out that he’s here. I do a last minute check and I think, hmm, I guess I look okay. I mean, I’m no super model or nothing like that but whatever. I lock up and head out to the car. As I get in, I didn’t even get a chance to greet him because the first thing out of his mouth was, “Did you just wake up”? WHAT?!?! I said, “No! We’ve been getting ready since I last spoke to you. Why do you ask”? He then says, “Oh, because you just look really tired”. WOW!!!! Okay, I’ll admit, my insomnia is a bitch and there really are some days where I look like total shit. Eyes bugged out, bloodshot red with more bags than Paris Hilton on an over night stay, but I honestly didn’t think I looked that bad when I left the house. The only thing I could say was, “Thanks a lot”. Then he says, “Well, I didn’t mean it like that”. Seriously?!! How else did you mean it then? Like, in what other way could you have possibly meant what you just said? I didn’t even want to go after that, but I just sat there quietly the whole ride. When we got there, I greeted everyone and found a small table in the corner as usual and made my way to it. I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable. I mean, if that’s the way he seen me, I could only imagine how the others would see me and what they would be thinking. *head down in shame* After I ate, I went and watched the kids play for a bit but not for long because it was really crowded and as usual, panic started to kick in and brought anxiety with him. I went back to my little corner and sat there patiently while inside I was screaming to go home. On the way back home, it was another quiet ride and he went to bed as I sit here still wide awake. I just can’t get it out of my head. Did I over react? Am I wrong to be upset. How would you have taken it? Would you have been offended? Damn, not only was I considering taking a vow of silence (from my previous post, “Strange Voices”) now I have to consider wearing a paper bag over my head whenever I go out in public. See, that’s why I just stay isolated in my room. I shouldn’t be out in public, I don’t belong out there. Thanks insomnia! Thanks anxiety! Thanks depression and everything else that’s wrong with me! Just, thanks!!