Can’t shake this feeling of whateverness. I’m not even sure what it is. Sadness, depression, loneliness, emptiness, anger, hurt, disappointment, all wrapped up in one emotion. “Whateverness”. I know it’s the holiday season and it should be a joyous time and all, but I can’t seem to lift my spirit no matter what I do. The past couple days, I tried to engage in a little holiday festivities by baking cookies with the little one. We picked out a few recipes online and went to work. The results were not so good. We followed the recipes step by step. We made sure all the ingredients listed were present and they just didn’t come out right at all. Two days in a row of trying to bake cookies and I couldn’t even do that right. I just gave up. I couldn’t bare to see another disappointed look on the little one’s face. Been kind of holed up in my room just existing since then. Not feeling sorry for myself or anything like that, just don’t want to let anybody else down. I can hear myself sighing like every two point five seconds. Shut up, would ya?! Is all I keep thinking. The hubby and I actually got in some Christmas shopping earlier in the day. Even that wasn’t joyous. So many people, isles were crowded, couldn’t even look at stuff without someone standing in your way. Anxiety was with me as she always is. I tried to convince her to stay home just for one day, but she wasn’t having it. She wanted to make sure her presence was known. It was! Thank you very much. At least we were able to get most of our shopping done. I am dreading having to go out to get the rest of what we need because I know these next few days are probably going to be the worst days to shop ever. Sucks to be bound by anxiety! Hopefully a Christmas miracle will hit me upside my head and snap me out of this funk. Bruno Mars, uptown funk me up please. Where did that come from? Wow!! I’m embarrassed. Ok, disregard that and now, moving on. Sorry, I got nothing… I think I just funked myself up. *Sigh*. See? There I go sighing again. Ugh!!