Open Up To Shut Down

That’s why I keep everything bottled inside. I hate to feel like a burden to someone else. Especially when they really don’t show much of an interest. It’s a just a waste of breath and words and it sends me into an emotional roller coaster. Only because it feels like rejection or they’re shaking their head like, “Yeah, yeah, I understand.”, when clearly they didn’t even hear a word you said. I don’t like to open up about what I’m going through but sometimes it gets to the point to where I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t release some of the pressure but when I attempt to, it’s all for naught. Not only did it not make me feel better, now I’m pissed that I put forth an effort to express myself only to feel like now your judging me or might somehow use it against me. That was the whole purpose of this blog, a place where I could share my inner demons and not feel ashamed or embarrassed or most importantly, not feel judged. That’s why I continue to post because you all have been very kind and supportive and a lot of you can even relate and I thank you all for being as great as you are. As far as trying to open up to the people in my life, I’m just going to continue to attempt to deal with my issues on my own. That way, nobody has to feel like they have to pretend to care or understand and it will be less stress and less anxiety for me. *Huge Sigh*

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6 Comments

  1. Timiarah Camburn

    It’s funny how blogging is so much easier than dealing with the people who are in our lives. The people who I have come across in the blogosphere have been so much kinder to me than some of the “friends” I used to have in my life. I know exactly what you mean about pouring your heart out and then having the other person be like, “Yeah yeah” or “Okay” like they could give a crap less about your emotions. It DOES fee like rejection. Someone did that to me a long time ago. I’ve been blogging my heart out ever since, lol.

    Like

    • See? That’s what I’m talking about. No judgement here. It’s been nothing but kindness and support. It is hard to open up only to be let down. That’s why the walls get even higher and thicker, surrounded by barbed wire. Don’t knock on my door if you really don’t want in. That’s all I’m saying. Thank you for understanding. Truly, understanding. With you, I know they’re not just words and I’m sorry you had to experience it to know the pain. Thank you again.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The world is a funny place. I find that we are all searching for like minds, shared experiences or the new that is flows, challenges and ultimately compliments who we are. Sadly, especially if you are a creative or just someone in need of understanding, we don’t often get it from those around us. Those who assume the know what and what we are or should be. I suppose we are all sometimes guilty of hurting or overlooking others based on our perceived understanding/expectations of them. So we keep searching…

    Thank God, we do find open hearts and minds in the blogosphere etc.Just the ability to write and release is blessing.

    Keep writing!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sorry for all the typos… 🙂

      Like

    • So true. It really does make a difference when someone else can truly relate. It makes the whole, “I understand”, response all the more true. I appreciate all the comments I have received since starting this blog two months ago. I have to admit, I was a little apprehensive at first, but it’s been so amazing and inspiring. Thank you again.

      Like

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