Baby Father Bother

After a while of seeing each other and hanging out, we decided to go ahead and put a label on our relationship. We were officially a couple. He got along great with my son, he didn’t have any children of his own, so I didn’t have to deal with any baby momma drama and he sure as hell didn’t have to deal with no baby father bother. My son knew that this guy wasn’t his dad and I never tried to make him believe otherwise. I was always honest with my boy, especially when he would come to me with questions. I knew that I wasn’t going to have all the right answers or even just an answer, but I made sure no matter what my answer was, that is was truthful. It did make me sad a lot because as they get older they start to wonder, I know I did when I was growing up. Mine were more, “How come I don’t look like my siblings?, How come dad doesn’t love me as much as he does the other two?, how come I don’t fit in?, what’s wrong with me?”. And my son’s would be more like, “where’s my dad?, How come I don’t have a dad?, Does he love me?, Do I look like him?”. Those are all legitimate questions. I think it’s how we answer, that makes all the difference in the world. I know it must have been hard for my mom when she had to tell me. I guess I felt betrayed even though she technically didn’t lie to me, she just kind of let me believe that he was my dad. And when I finally learned the truth, I think I just panicked or maybe I was looking for an excuse to try and find a place I could feel loved and wanted, so I decided to run away and live with the grand folks. Not really giving it a second thought or even giving my mom a real chance. This is why I wanted to make sure from the time my boy could speak and understand more or less, that his biological donor, wasn’t in his life.

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4 Comments

  1. you could also refer to him as your Big Baby Daddy Weave! lol not sure if you recognize the reference…

    my boyfriend stepped up at the time my boys were young, and took to being a Daddy with joy. My oldest still gets his mail at his house, just so he can see him … more often than me, I might add, and tells everyone he’s the only Dad he ever had. My youngest thought he was his Dad from birth, because he was, and was crushed when his own mother told him he was his STEP dad one day, when he was about 10, like it was her place to break the news when he discovered they had different last names. Pissed me off to no end, she did, but within a few days he was cool with it, and to this day calls him his only Dad, too. Although they both call him by his first name, they always tell others that he is their DAD. He was, and always will be. Even if we aren’t together anymore. He was a great dad, and I was so grateful he stepped up… he’s a good man.

    I say if you found one…keep him! they’re hard to find!

    Like

    • I hear ya! I know that feeling all to well and to find out my dad was my step dad, it crushed me as well. I don’t think I handled it well at the time. Years later when I moved back in with my parents, he actually did become the dad I never had. I’m glad you found one of the good guys. Usually when it doesn’t work out, they don’t realize that they’re breaking up with with the kids also. Some of them don’t even look back, they’re just gone, like the kid(s) didn’t exist. It’s sad but it happens all too often. Happy for you and your boys.

      Like

      • strange you mentioned yourself too, it hadn’t occurred to me, but I thought my own stepdad was my dad until I was 12 years old also, because my mom married him when I was about 4, and my real dad had split when I was about 1, so it was a huge surprise for me too. I can’t believe I forgot that!!! wow…maybe that was why I was so pissed at my boyfriends mom…lol but my real dad turned out to be awesome…to me anyway, we got super close later on when my first son was just born, and were for many years until he passed in 2000. so I guess you just never know. my stepdad was cold, and very distant, but always took care of us, also beat us with a belt when we were bad, but there were 8 of us…so it had to have been hard just earing enough to survive. I give him that much, but we aren’t close. but he did try in his own way, he just isn’t a warm emotional type. 🙂 happy for you and yours too!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Isn’t that something. There are so many individuals who share similar stories and the internet provided a way for us to find each other. Thank you for sharing.

        Liked by 1 person

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