My mind is spinning uncontrollably, I don’t know how to make it stop. I feel so dizzy, yet I’m laying in bed. Been trying for hours to go to sleep, but these thoughts won’t let me. My thoughts range from I’m thirsty to what the hell is wrong with me. Seriously, that is something I really would like the answer to. I’m depressed, I got that. Being depressed has caused my insomnia, check. Not sleeping is messing with my mind which, produces unnecessary thoughts, bingo. Boredom eventually leads to snacking, cue the self loathing. Disgust takes me back to being depressed, winner, winner, chicken dinner. It’s a full circle event. How do I break this cycle. Popping pills caused me to be a little paranoid. Doctor practically changes my meds every month because we haven’t been able to find the right combination to eliminate or semi control my symptoms. I don’t need alone time because I already isolate myself from family and the world. That just gives my mind more freedom to create a hurricane of thoughts crashing within my brain. I have tried to find a hobby that keeps me interested so I can lose myself in being expressive through my work, but I lack the focus one needs to commit to a project from start to finish. Meditating proved to be a playground for my mind to wander and explore much higher heights. It’s easier to just shove food in my mouth because it doesn’t require any skills whatsoever and seems to be somewhat satisfying until I happen to catch a glimpse in the mirror of the damage it has caused and then we’re back to self loathing, depression, insomnia, thinking, eating, etc…. It just comes back full circle. Each trip more aggressive than the one before. How many more laps must I do before I run out of breath?
- Posted in: Depressed ♦ Insomnia ♦ Random ♦ Thoughts
- Tagged: aggressive, awake, bingo, blog, bored, boring, brain, create, damage, depressed, depression, disgust, dizzy, drugs, express, expressive, family, feel, feeling, focus, freedom, hobby, hurricane, insomnia, insomniac, isolate, isolation, loathe, loathing, medication, meditate, meditating, meditation, mind, paranoid, pills, playground, pop, popping, project, read, skills, sleep, sleeping, snacking, think, thinking, thirsty, thoughts, wander, write