Given the terrible situation I was fortunate to get out of, I felt really low. Like, I was ashamed. I’d walk with my head down and unable to make eye contact for fear that I would be judged or made to believe that it was somehow my fault and I deserved it. This loser stole a piece of my soul. I felt so humiliated and embarrassed that I allowed something like that to occur in my life, especially being proud of what a strong person I was and then to lose that power and become so weak, I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I never really talked about the abuse with my family, I just wanted to put it behind me and forget all about it. But, that was going to be hard being that I would give birth to this loser’s child. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be, that is, until the baby was getting bigger and bigger and would resemble the loser with certain facial expressions. I loved this baby very much, but started to worry that I would end up resenting or not loving the baby as much because it might be a constant reminder of the abuse I suffered at the hands of the loser. I didn’t want to ever think about it or relive it it anyway. I would have to learn how to love an innocent baby from someone I hate so much.
- Posted in: Biological ♦ Life
- Tagged: abuse, ashamed, baby, birth, blog, child, embarrassed, express, family, fault, forget, hate, humiliated, innocent, judge, judged, learn, loser, love, power, proud, read, remind, resemble, resent, resentment, soul, steal, stole, strong, suffer, think, weak, worry, write