Graduation Fail

So my senior year has had it’s ups and downs and thank goodness we’re half way through. Maybe more than half way. I think there’s like only three and a half months left. I was all caught up with my grades and was given the green light in regards to graduation. The principal informed me that I’d be graduating with my class and she wouldn’t shut up about how hard I’ve been working to get my grades up and how proud she is of me and blah, blah, blah. After leaving her office, this overwhelming feeling just came over me and I started to have a panic attack. I made a bee line straight for the bathroom and threw water on my face as I tried to catch my breath. All these feelings and thoughts were causing me to hyperventilate. Then, it hit me, I’m going to graduate with a whole bunch of people, we’re going to all be in one place at the same time with all theirs and my family and friends. I definitely didn’t want mom contacting any of the biologicals on the donor side especially not the donor himself. He is the first person I don’t want to see. Oh my gosh. Claustrophobia is getting the best of me right now. That was the reason for my panic attack. I was terrified to graduate and be stuck in a room with so many people. Then I started thinking, what am I going to do. I had to calm myself down and then went back to class. When I got home the parents already knew. The damn principal had called them. They were excited and jumping for joy. I felt horrible. I just threw them a fake smile to share in their happiness. After a few weeks had passed and graduation was fast approaching, panic struck again. “THAT’S IT!” I decided I couldn’t do it, or wouldn’t do it. Either way, it wasn’t going to happen. I did the unimaginable, yes, I dropped out of school. I know, I know. I’ve heard it all. Why? How could you? Graduation is less than two months, why? Why? Why? I didn’t have a great answer. I just felt too much pressure, and couldn’t get myself pumped up enough to want to graduate. That was the only thing that I was focused on. That damn graduation!!! I didn’t even think to finish school and just have my diploma mailed to me. All I could think about was graduation. I’m such an idiot. I let panic take control and it cost me my diploma.

• Posted in: Biological ♦ Life
• Tagged: biological, blog, calm, claustrophobia, control, donor, fail, family, feel, feelings, friends, grades, graduation, happiness, horrible, hyperventilate, idiot, mail, overwhelmed, overwhelming, panic, pressure, proud, read, senior, stress, terrified, write