Graduation Fail

So my senior year has had it’s ups and downs and thank goodness we’re half way through. Maybe more than half way. I think there’s like only three and a half months left. I was all caught up with my grades and was given the green light in regards to graduation. The principal informed me that I’d be graduating with my class and she wouldn’t shut up about how hard I’ve been working to get my grades up and how proud she is of me and blah, blah, blah. After leaving her office, this overwhelming feeling just came over me and I started to have a panic attack. I made a bee line straight for the bathroom and threw water on my face as I tried to catch my breath. All these feelings and thoughts were causing me to hyperventilate. Then, it hit me, I’m going to graduate with a whole bunch of people, we’re going to all be in one place at the same time with all theirs and my family and friends. I definitely didn’t want mom contacting any of the biologicals on the donor side especially not the donor himself. He is the first person I don’t want to see. Oh my gosh. Claustrophobia is getting the best of me right now. That was the reason for my panic attack. I was terrified to graduate and be stuck in a room with so many people. Then I started thinking, what am I going to do. I had to calm myself down and then went back to class. When I got home the parents already knew. The damn principal had called them. They were excited and jumping for joy. I felt horrible. I just threw them a fake smile to share in their happiness. After a few weeks had passed and graduation was fast approaching, panic struck again. “THAT’S IT!” I decided I couldn’t do it, or wouldn’t do it. Either way, it wasn’t going to happen. I did the unimaginable, yes, I dropped out of school. I know, I know. I’ve heard it all. Why? How could you? Graduation is less than two months, why? Why? Why? I didn’t have a great answer. I just felt too much pressure, and couldn’t get myself pumped up enough to want to graduate. That was the only thing that I was focused on. That damn graduation!!! I didn’t even think to finish school and just have my diploma mailed to me. All I could think about was graduation. I’m such an idiot. I let panic take control and it cost me my diploma.

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13 Comments

  1. maybe not, did you check with the principle? with only a few weeks left, you may have only had to take a final exam of some sort, and then you would still get your diploma?? check with the school before you give up completely… 🙂

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    • Unfortunately this was already a done deal. This post is one of many from my life’s story which has made me who I am today. But, I do wish that I would have thought about something like that back then. 😞

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      • bummer, but you do know most community colleges have a diploma program, only a few months long, and you could probably do it online now…. just a suggestion. both my boys quit and both regret it now…

        Liked by 1 person

      • I definitely know the feeling of regret. I will be posting soon of what happened after. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and for commenting. I really do appreciate it. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You are not an idiot. When I think back at those things in my life that I could have done differently I just know that there and then in that emotional state I did the best I could, it is better, at least I feel like that, to forgive and show compassion to ourselves and say: well if I ever get in a similar situation in the future I will try to do it differently. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • There are quite a few things I would change if I had the chance to do it over. I know a lot of people say they wouldn’t change a thing, but I would and I don’t believe them (most of them). ;). And you are right, at the time we do the best we can, the best way we know how. I’m just really hard on myself. I’m my own worst enemy.

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      • Yes, I think a lot of people want to change things to, but we cant, so we have to accept things as they are and move in. The only thing that really matters, I feel, are the choices we make here and now in the present. and I try to make the choices that will bring the most happiness for myself and those whom I love 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • That’s a great point. Some things are easier to move on from than others. I just have to learn to let go and stop letting it consume me so much. I pretty much let it suck out all my happiness. Got to find a way to get it back.

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      • I am sure you will find a way of letting go and opening up to making yourself happy. I know it is easy to say, but we have to at least try to do everything we can to make ourselves happy. Or that is what I believe. I feel that letting go is freeing ourselves from those people who will not contribute to our happiness. and you deserve happiness, we all do 🙂 🙂 🙂 I will hope and hope that you will believe that too! 🙂 Hold on to that which makes you feel loved, release and let go of everything else, that is what I believe. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • I think I’m too busy trying to make sure everybody else is happy that I forget to make sure I’m happy. I also hope to find a way to make that happen. Thank you very much. You are most kind and it means a lot .

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      • 🙂 Those who truly love you will want you to be happy too, and those who do not care about your happiness, dont deserve you sacrificing your happiness for them. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • So sweet. Thank you.

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      • 🙂

        Like

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