No Comparison

When people constantly put you down or compare you to others and make you feel worthless or not good enough, you tend to believe it. If I did something good in school, my older bio-sib did it better. If I tried to do something good around the house, I should have done it like the older one. If I was bad or talked back, the older one wouldn’t act like that, you should learn and be more like the older one. No matter what I did, I could never compare to the older one. They sat high on their pedestal and looked down on me as if I were nothing. So I don’t meet your standards, I’m not perfect, I speak my mind, I talk back and I have an opinion, excuse me for not bowing down. I refuse to be walked on and treated like crap. I am human to and yes, I have feelings that actually feel and just because I act like it doesn’t hurt, it don’t mean that it didn’t. I don’t know how many times I cried myself to sleep or cried in the shower because I felt so alone. Everything I did, I was criticized for it. The way I talk, the way I dress, the way I eat, the way I breathe, hell I probably even slept wrong. It’s sad when you have such a large family, yet you feel like you can’t confide in them because they’re quick to expose your secrets. I really was all alone, the only one I could ever truly trust was me. Even I let myself down a few times because half of me believed all the bad things they were saying about me and the other half wanted nothing more than to prove them wrong.

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5 Comments

  1. It’s very hard when you’re young to undergo constant criticism. We’re hard enough on ourselves without other people chiming in. Sometimes we take on the role of “the victim,” of “poor, pitiful Pearl,” and have to constantly fight that image. It’s a wonder we grow up!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tell me about it. I think that’s why I’m still very hard on myself, like I am still trying to prove them wrong. It’s been burned in my brain as though I’ve been branded like cattle, and that has stuck with me ever since.

      Like

  2. I really do understand how you feel ((((hugs))))

    Like

  3. It’s about time soeomne wrote about this.

    Like

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