No Comparison

When people constantly put you down or compare you to others and make you feel worthless or not good enough, you tend to believe it. If I did something good in school, my older bio-sib did it better. If I tried to do something good around the house, I should have done it like the older one. If I was bad or talked back, the older one wouldn’t act like that, you should learn and be more like the older one. No matter what I did, I could never compare to the older one. They sat high on their pedestal and looked down on me as if I were nothing. So I don’t meet your standards, I’m not perfect, I speak my mind, I talk back and I have an opinion, excuse me for not bowing down. I refuse to be walked on and treated like crap. I am human to and yes, I have feelings that actually feel and just because I act like it doesn’t hurt, it don’t mean that it didn’t. I don’t know how many times I cried myself to sleep or cried in the shower because I felt so alone. Everything I did, I was criticized for it. The way I talk, the way I dress, the way I eat, the way I breathe, hell I probably even slept wrong. It’s sad when you have such a large family, yet you feel like you can’t confide in them because they’re quick to expose your secrets. I really was all alone, the only one I could ever truly trust was me. Even I let myself down a few times because half of me believed all the bad things they were saying about me and the other half wanted nothing more than to prove them wrong.

• Posted in: Biological ♦ Life
• Tagged: act, alone, believe, better, compare, confide, cried, criticize, cry, feel, feelings, good, human, hurt, learn, lonely, opinion, perfect, prove, refuse, rivalry, sad, secrets, sibling, sleep, standards, trust, worthless, wrong