My How To Cope List
Well, the list just got bigger. Not only am I cutting, self harming, smoking weed, isolating myself and drinking alcohol at school. Now I’m smoking cigarettes. There was a designated area where we could smoke our cigarettes in school and I was smoking pretty heavily. I’m all messed up, yet nobody knew it. I was silently screaming for attention but no one heard because everything I did, I did mostly alone so there wasn’t anyone around to question my behavior or reasons for doing what I was doing. I would cut myself in ways that weren’t noticeable or could be easily hidden with my clothes. I chewed a ton of gum or ate lots of breath mints to hide the smell of alcohol, weed and cigarettes and I always wore the biggest smile. It’s no wonder I was able to fly under the radar. I can’t be mad that family and friends didn’t know I was suffering, they couldn’t tell. I hid my emotions, feelings, everything. Obviously they couldn’t read my mind so of course they wouldn’t have any clue to ask me, “what’s wrong”, even if someone did ask, I would just say, “nothing” or “everything is ok”. It wasn’t!!