Hiding in Plain Sight

Eventually things started to calm down as far as the devil worshiping goes. They were finally realizing that there was no real truth to what they had heard or what they had assumed based on their judgment of what I listened to, what I wore and how I always liked being alone. I tried doing more things with the two bio and two half-sibs. We were getting along somewhat. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but it was a work in progress. With school and work and back stabbing, two faced, so called friends to deal with, it was a bit much. I added drinking to my list of cutting/self harm, smoking weed and isolation as my coping mechanism to deal with all the negative. I would go to seven eleven and buy a big gulp cup of just ice, no soda, nothing, just ice. A “friend of mine would raid their parents fridge and bring us bottles of Old E. We would pour the beer into our cups with ice and toss the bottles deep into the garbage can. This way, we could take our “soda” to every class and we’d drink the whole day without anyone ever suspecting a thing. We would tell people it was Mountain Dew because of the yellow color, they couldn’t tell the difference. I swear, I don’t know how I made it through high school drunk, high, feeling alone all while appearing to be “normal” like everything was just dandy. I don’t recommend anyone to do what I did, and I’m not posting this to give you any bright ideas, because there is nothing bright about what I did. I am posting because this is a part of me and how I dealt with my insecurities, emotions, resentment, abandonment issues, just everything negative in my life. It’s information to show you just how much one person can truly hide their pain and to what extremes they will go to, to mask it. I’ve been doing it for so many years, I feel like I should be labeled as a professional con artist.

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2 Comments

  1. I relate to what you’re saying so much! It is so empowering when someone shares their journey so authentically! Thank you and hang in there. It does get better.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I appreciate that. I often try to tell myself that it will get better, but I can only lie to myself so much before I stop believing it. I think I secretly have a little hope somewhere deep down. I hope. Thank you for your kindness.

      Liked by 1 person

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