Should I or Shouldn’t I

All this thinking has got me stressed out. On the one hand, moving in with mom would give us another chance to be a real family. On the other hand, I’d be leaving behind the family I’ve known for quite some time now. The younger one and I became really close. We pretty much bonded since we were stuck sharing a room. We would stay up late at night and just talk about everything. We became like best friends. I would be leaving that behind if I decided to go live with mom. The young one was also given the option to move in with mom. That wasn’t going to happen though. The young one was happy with grandma and wouldn’t dream of leaving her. A part of me admired the young one for that because it was such a grown up decision. I was confused. Should I, or shouldn’t I? I still didn’t know what to do. I talked it over and over with my younger sib and we did the whole pros and cons list and I still didn’t know what I wanted to do. I’m going for it!! Probably not the best decision but it was mine to make and that’s what I chose. I had to break the news to grandma and boy, that was not easy. I didn’t think it was going to be that hard, but it was and scary to. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach, I had this huge lump in my throat, I felt shaky and my voice would crack every time I spoke. It’s done. Grandma didn’t have much of a reaction like I thought she might have. I couldn’t tell if she was mad, angry, hurt, upset or just didn’t care. Guess I got myself all riled up for nothing. Now to get reacquainted with the step dad and half sibs. This should be interesting. I don’t think the half sibs were too thrilled that I would be moving back in. I mean, it was just them two with mom and step dad all these years and now all of a sudden, I’m back in the picture. Yeah, we’ll see how that’s going work out.

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