Decisions, Decisions

We got to enjoy grandpa for a few more years and then sadly, he passed away. Mom decided to move back, so they were house hunting while handling all their obligations where they were living. They lived like four hours away, so it was a pretty big move. After some time had passed, they finally found a house here. I had been talking with mom about possibly moving back in with them. It was scary to think about. I mean, I’m no longer a little kid. I’m a teen by now and I had a lot to think about. I mean, what would grandma think? Would she think I was abandoning her, now that grandpa is gone? Would she hate me? Would she ever want to see or talk to me again? What about my step dad and half sibs? How would they feel. So much time has gone by, we were practically strangers. Would it be awkward or uncomfortable for them or for me? I really needed to take some time and just think about it. Who knows how this one decision would impact not only my life, but theirs as well. I had to be sure before I gave my answer. All I ever wanted was to be a part of a family. I knew from what I had experienced as a young child with them, I didn’t fit in. The same goes for living with the grand folks. I never really fit in with them either. I felt like the kid nobody wanted. Just being bounced around to whoever would put up with me for whatever amount of time. I was desperately searching for a stable and permanent environment with people who would love me and treat me as an equal. I’m older now, maybe things will be different if I go back. They could be better or maybe it would be a bad idea now that I am a teen with a different attitude and lingering resentment. I don’t know, I just have to look at all sides before I commit to a life altering decision.

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