Feelings Without Emotions

But even those who are thick skinned still have feelings. We just learned how to hide our emotions so people wouldn’t know that what they said or did affected us the way they intended to. I couldn’t even begin to tell you how many times I cried all alone or wished for a better life or no life at all. I felt like everyone that should have loved me, didn’t even know I existed. I would try to do everything right just to be praised or get some kind of positive attention, but it would go unnoticed or I’d get a, “that’s nice”, and it was back to whatever they were doing at the time I announced it. The second I did something wrong, the whole house would just stop, water running would literally be frozen in time, (ok, maybe not to that extreme) but you get the picture right? Yeah, I’d be standing or sitting in the middle of a room and get hammered by everyone in the house. Like an assembly line, one would start, another would add there two cents and so on. Until finally the uncle whooped me and then sends me to my room, which by the way wasn’t my room at all. It was the young ones room and I was just a long term guest. So, if I wanted to be alone and locked the door, all the young one had to do was tell on me and I’d get in trouble again. No big deal, I was getting used to it by now. Sometimes, I would lock the door just to piss them off. I found, I would do lots of little things just to piss them off. I guess it kind of brought me joy. Weird ha?

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4 Comments

  1. Island Traveler

    I kind of know that feeling. Most people don’t really see the inner emotions we go through. Anger, pain, sadness, fear, anxiety, just to name a few. If they do see, they can’t relate or understand. Inspiring post!

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    • Very true. I especially get a little frustrated when people say, “I understand” or, “I know what you mean”. Do you? Really? I know they’re trying to be understanding and those words are usually said in hopes to comfort you, but sometimes it just makes me more upset. Everybody is different though and that’s just how I feel at times. Um sure it must be difficult for the other person who is only trying to help, but they genuinely don’t know how. I will nod my head or say thank you to be polite because I wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings for trying to be considerate of mine. I appreciate your comment. Thank you. P.S. Sorry for rambling on.

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  2. They say we can count are truest friends with our fingers. My wife and I went to a hardship several times. Guess who disappeared first? They also love to talk about us behind our back and talk sweet when we see them. Total plastics? Yes, they are. Fate will find a way and you will have treasure friends that will love you for who you are.

    Like

    • Indeed. I know a lot of transparent people. They aren’t fooling anybody because we can see right through them. Thank you for your kind words. That’s really nice of you. I believe the same for you as well.

      Like

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