Struggle, doesn’t even come close to describe what it was like trying to find my way. Now that I was living with the grandparents I had to learn from them and adjust to their ways. Being in a certain environment for so long and then being put into a whole new, completely strange environment was like your body and mind going into shock. I was having difficulties trusting anyone. I was going to school with the other two bio-sibs but we didn’t really hang out with each other. You wouldn’t even know we were actually related if we hadn’t said so. Feeling like I was lied to and not knowing what was what. Sometimes I wouldn’t acknowledge the two bio-sibs when someone would ask, I would tell them that we weren’t related. Not sure if it was out of anger or genuine confusion. But the older one let grandma know about what I had done. Boy, grandma was furious. She sat me down and let me have it. I had to go to them and apologize. Which had me upset because that’s just what I was feeling. How could you make me say I’m sorry for how I felt. I ended up apologizing, afraid of the consequence if I didn’t do so. I think that was the day I learned I could never truly express what I was feeling because there would be repercussions.