Worst Enemy

It makes me sad to think that I’m not a good parent. I do it all the time. I’m my worst enemy. I can’t help it though, I look at my two kids which were both born perfectly healthy thank goodness and I feel bad for them. For one, I feel like a fraud, putting up this front like everything is ok when it’s seriously not. But I’m the parent, I have to be strong so I can take care of them. If they know I’m broken then they might not want me or love me because I can’t do anything for them. Another thing, I wasn’t always this way and there is still a part of me that believes that the once vibrant, outgoing, outspoken, fun loving, happy go lucky me is still somewhere in here. I just wish I wasn’t so lost. Last but not least, I always feel like they would have been better off with a different parent, other than myself. Maybe they’d be happier and their lives would be more fulfilled and exciting than this plain ol’ boring life I’ve given them. I told you I was my own worst enemy.

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13 Comments

  1. I can promise you you’re the best parent there is for your kids because you wish your kids had more. Every parents wants to give their children the world, and without knowing it, most do. As a teen and daughter, I know my parents struggled raising me as they had financial issues, my dad had Parkinson’s, and both were depressed at points…but I still believe they have done their all to provide and love me. We kids might not show it all the time or actively voice it out, but we see the laspe of exhaustion in your eyes that recedes into hiding when we pop up. We see the love and effort you put into caring for us and we 100000% appreciate it. We just aren’t mature enough to say until we’re old and we realize how hard it was to raise us.
    If I were your kiddo, I think my heart would break that you think you’re inadequate. Just the fact that you love and want the best for your kids is more than enough. So take a deep breath, realize that you’re still their parent and you love them, and that a life together is better than a life without.
    *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re so kind. I appreciate your words and am glad that you are mature enough to recognize the sacrifice and struggles your parents went through only to provide the best they could. You are wise beyond your years and I only hope and pray that my kids will one day see what it is you see today. I never imagined my life with them, now I can’t imagine my life without them. It’s true, parents do want the best for their children and when we feel like we’ve failed, we can’t help but beat ourselves up. Thank you again. Hugs in return ๐Ÿ˜Š

      Liked by 1 person

      • I promise your kids probably (if they’re at least 12) think the same, or will if they’re younger. I swear, we kids just don’t ever voice it to our parents because yknow mushy confrontation and feelings. Hahaha, we really should tell you guys how much we appreciate you more often.
        I hope your day(s) are better than when you wrote this post and felt this way! โค always remember you're loved!

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      • Thank you again and unfortunately my days are still dark and seem never ending. I think there is still a very small amount of hope in me that thinks it will get better. We’ll see. You’re a great person. Keep being who you are. It’s fantastic!! ๐Ÿ˜Š

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      • At least the hope is still there! As long as there’s hope, there is happiness in the distance! And thank you so much! Let me know if you ever need any reassurance because I can’t even express enough how great you are!

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      • Yes, it’s true. I feel like sometimes I can see the happiness and it does look so far away, I just have to keep going if I want to get there. Thank you, I think you’re pretty awesome. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

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      • Oh I agree with you on that. But something to keep in mind is that even when everything stands at a hault or is moving slowly, you can count on time to keep going; because time never stops. So in time, you’ll arrive at happiness! And why thank you!! I think you’re the coolest! ^^

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      • It is definitely a journey to get to happiness but, it should all be worth it when we get there right?
        Stay AH-mazing!! ๐ŸŒน

        Like

      • Oh my goodness, I just love you! ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š I hope your day/night is fabulous xoxo

        Like

      • Haha, likewise. You’re to sweet!! ๐Ÿ˜„

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      • Ahh as to you! Thank you kindly!

        Like

      • My pleasure. ๐Ÿ’

        Like

      • ๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’

        Like

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