More Questions

Feeling out of place now that secrets have been unearthed. I chose to live with my grandparents, thinking I’d be able to trust them and maybe feel wanted and loved. It wasn’t an easy decision being that I didn’t really know them that well, but I thought it would be better than going back to that house of lies. I’m sure my mom was waiting for the right time to tell me, which brings me to this next question. When is the right time to tell your child about a step/biological parent/sibling or even about being adopted. It’s such a jacked up situation because either way the child will feel rejected. As was the case for me. Why didn’t my daddy want me? Why didn’t my daddy love me? Why didn’t my daddy ever visit me? Then we start to blame ourselves. Did I do something wrong? Did I make him mad? Did I cry too much? Was I a bad baby? Just things like that ran through my mind. Then came the excuses. It wasn’t you, it was him. He had problems with drugs and alcohol. He was abusive. He was a liar. He was a cheater. Yet, I’m the one being punished.

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4 Comments

  1. musensta

    You should never blame yourself for the mistakes of your parents. Forgive but never forget.

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    • It’s hard not to blame anyone who made the choice. Especially me because i choose to let this situation bring me down. However, I didn’t have a choice in their situation. I was conceived without being given the choice. They chose to give birth and bring me into this world that I can’t help but hate so much. Yes, that one is my choice. He chose drugs & alcohol. Not me. As you can tell, I have a great deal of resentment and hatred for him. I’m trying to find a way to stop letting it consume me without having to forgive him. I do appreciate your comment.

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      • musensta

        To be honest I was in a similar situation. Both of my parents dumped me at my grandparents house one night when I was 5 years old and I haven’t seen them until I was 16 when they expected me to call them mommy and daddy. Well sorry, but relationship don’t function like that, they had to work hard to regain a part of me that they lost. My mother really tried while my father still doesn’t give a damn about me. The time for them to pay will come. I’m not looking to hurt them, but given the chance I won’t say no. I get my sadisfaction that I’m wizer than them and that I can always give them a lesson in life they couldn’t give me.

        Like

      • Yeah, when I finally met the guy he would get upset that I didn’t call him dad. That wasn’t gonna happen then now or ever. He will never have the honor of hearing that word come out of my mouth.

        Like

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